goddessfarmer: (graincat)
[personal profile] goddessfarmer
There is an interesting point between being "in love" and "loving."  Many relationships (of mine too) are a very self-centered "in love". I wanted the relationship For Me: to make ME feel good. Then there are the rare few exceptions, when I've passed through being "in love" to "loving" - to wanting to see that other person happy, to being willing to (sometimes) sacrifice a small bit of my own happieness to help the other person be happier.  This is the point at which what would have been previously thought of as sacrifice becomes not-work, becomes the easy thing to do. That boundary snuck up on my recently. I'd been having glimpses of it for a while, but a couple of things happened recently to show me that yes, indeed, I no longer maintain this relationship in a state of need for myself, but in a state of compassion for my partner. "I love you" is no longer "I need you to acknowledge my importance" and is now "how can I help your life be better?"  The wierd thing is that I don't know when I changed. Some of the change is probably a product of me being happier and less stressed, but I know that's not all of it. Thank you, sweetie, for loving me long enough and well enough for me to find this place for us. 

Date: 2017-01-03 12:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chienne-folle.livejournal.com
That's a wonderful place to be; I'm so glad you and your sweetie have reached it!

I had the pre-surgery meeting with my surgeon on a day when my husband already had something else planned, and my parents pressured me to beg him to cancel his other plans and come with me to the doctor's appointment. The thing was, my husband's plans were something he'd looked forward to for a long time, and while I wished he were available to go with me, I didn't want him to cancel his plans. My parents didn't understand why I would think that, and I finally said, "Marriage isn't about ME; it's about US." And somehow that shut them up.

All of which is to say yeah, it's really nice when a relationship reaches the point where making the partner happy feels like a great thing to do and not a terrible thing. :-)

Date: 2017-01-17 04:28 am (UTC)


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