Sorry you found what I wrote offensive. It was 3AM in the morning, I was exhausted and at that point I was hating my physical body because it's broken in so many ways and one of them was not letting me sleep when I was bleary eyed and falling down from exhaustion.
I don't hate myself. I'm quite happy with the person I am inside. I am a good and usually positive person. Unlike other people we both know, it's very rare that I post such a blatantly negative statement.
When I say I hate my body, I hate that my body is broken and has so many physical limitations. No matter how hard I try to overcome those limitations, no matter how hard I try to push on through, in the end my body is physically broken and it gets worse instead of better. I can't do the things I want to do, even the simplest things, like feeding myself, exhaust me some days. It will take me many days to recover from the the pain and physical exhaustion from the gardening I did on Saturday. And I hate that fact. I see this as a weakness and I hate being weak and having to depend on others.
Now maybe I could have articulated it better, but like I said it was 3AM and I wasn't sleeping.
As for doing something about it, I'm trying, but western medicine has failed me continually. As a woman with chronic pain, I am written off as looking for attention, its psychogenic, I'm drug seeking, I'm depressed and so on... I'm working on alternatives and they seem to be helping, a year ago I was much worse. I haven't mentioned much of this on LJ because it is so negative, I keep it to myself mostly. I guess at 3AM my filters are a little weaker.
no subject
I don't hate myself. I'm quite happy with the person I am inside. I am a good and usually positive person. Unlike other people we both know, it's very rare that I post such a blatantly negative statement.
When I say I hate my body, I hate that my body is broken and has so many physical limitations. No matter how hard I try to overcome those limitations, no matter how hard I try to push on through, in the end my body is physically broken and it gets worse instead of better. I can't do the things I want to do, even the simplest things, like feeding myself, exhaust me some days. It will take me many days to recover from the the pain and physical exhaustion from the gardening I did on Saturday. And I hate that fact. I see this as a weakness and I hate being weak and having to depend on others.
Now maybe I could have articulated it better, but like I said it was 3AM and I wasn't sleeping.
As for doing something about it, I'm trying, but western medicine has failed me continually. As a woman with chronic pain, I am written off as looking for attention, its psychogenic, I'm drug seeking, I'm depressed and so on...
I'm working on alternatives and they seem to be helping, a year ago I was much worse. I haven't mentioned much of this on LJ because it is so negative, I keep it to myself mostly. I guess at 3AM my filters are a little weaker.