sometimes....

[goddessfarmer]

Sometimes there are things that I don't feel comfortable posting even to my tightest filter here. Not because they would necessarily offend anyone, but sometimes because it contains information that I'm not at liberty to disclose or sometimes simple just because I feel like I am tooting my own horn, kind of like the reverse of whining. Life is good. I am doing things. Some of them are new. Some of the new things are things for which I've been very quietly preparing (sometimes so quietly I didn't know I was doing it.) Some are things I've been actively planning for some time.

Something I've noted more and more is that not only do I not use negative phrasing very much in my own speech and writing, but I am getting urges to comment on my friend's journals when they use negative phrasing. For example, someone started a post recently with "I hate my body". I find that statement not only unproductive, but actually a hindrance to changing the situation. For whatever a negative situation may be, the surest route to positive change is to embrace the problem at it's root, and find the right fertilizer to bring balance into the system. I know this is a simplistic statement, but personally, I've never changed anything by hating it. Find something positive to replace the "I hate" statement. Especially in the case of one's body, we only get one, so we'd better love and nurture it. Sometimes we have to exercise "tough love" and not eat all the ice cream ever, but without appropriate self-care, there is no way we can carry that to others. Happiness starts at home, in ours selves.

Comments

[nosebeepbear.livejournal.com]

I find that statement not only unproductive, but actually a hindrance to changing the situation.

I have discovered that for myself, not expressing feelings is a bigger hindrance to change than anything else. Stating things in a positive way when I can is preferable, but if that's not where I am, I get more out of admitting I hate my body right now (or whatever) and moving on from that point than trying to force myself to express it some other way (or not at all, which is what censoring myself usually leads to). There has been *much* positive change in my life since I started letting myself say those things. Your mileage obviously varies, but I wanted to share another viewpoint.

[goddessfarmer.livejournal.com]

No where did I say to not express feelings. My point is to think about the words we use to express them.

[nosebeepbear.livejournal.com]

No where did I say to not express feelings

I get that, and I didn't mean to suggest that you did. I'm saying that for me, that has been the result of policing how I express them, and I've been better off not doing that.

[nosebeepbear.livejournal.com]

I also want to say I completely understand that thoughts and words influence feelings; I agree with you on that. That's why I put serious effort into doing exactly as you suggest for several years. I see why that might work for some people - maybe even most people. But it worked the other way for me, because I was concentrating more on how I said things to myself than on figuring out what I was feeling in the first place, and that was more of a block to change for me than the negative phrases were. I went back to letting myself state my feelings however I wanted, but also trying to examine whatever came out. "I feel like an idiot." "It's ok to feel that way, but I'm not really an idiot" and later thinking about what made me feel that way and what I could differently was more useful than halting before the first statement to try to reframe it as something more positive.