follow up on the state of my head
Sep. 2nd, 2017 01:35 pm(yea, I know, I could have written this weeks ago) First, the MRI report - Nothing wrong with my brain. I have signs of chronic sinus inflammation, however. Dr recommends actually taking my allergy meds, even when I don't think I need them. trying that, but nothing to report yet, that's a long-term solution.
Second, Amitryptiline dosage and effects. It turns out the 25mg dose is about right for me. I have to budget 8-9 hours of sleep every night, but the positive effects are so good, I'm willing to live with that. It turns out that it's "on label" use is exactly the right thing for my brain as far as I can tell. Mood swings are gone. Granted, I feel a little flat, but I'm getting used to that. It's well worth being able to breathe and think in otherwise anxiety-producing situations. It's awesome to not go from "this is screwed up" to "want to kill everyone" in .05 seconds. Seriously - my PTSD is like that, and it's how I've been ever since I can remember, and now I'm not. It's almost like a miracle. Yesterday I was in a situation that I would have previously walked out on to protect the innocent, and I didn't have to, nor do I have to spend a day recovering from it. The other effect it has on me is probably very related to the first, but it's something I notice all on it's own because of the enormity of it in my life. I no longer feel hungry all the time. Again, I don't remember a time in my life when I wasn't always wanting to eat. This is a totally new sensation for me: to walk past food and not have to eat it; to be late for a meal and not be a raving lunatic bitch, to be able to make good food choices because I'm not overwhelmed with hunger. I am eating less without noticing, without thinking about it. I have noticed in the past 3 weeks that I have lost some volume in various places, and about 2 lb on the scale. It'll come off slow, but maybe this time it'll stay off. I've also been adding muscle, just as an effect of riding and working out harder in preparation for competing again. On Thursday I ran my second fastest ever lap (0.1mi) at the gym. I suspect that 48 sec. isn't wicked fast for a sprint of that length, but as a personal time, I'm kinda excited about it.
Life may not be good (although mine is in the context of the larger world) but at least I'm stable and relatively happy.
Second, Amitryptiline dosage and effects. It turns out the 25mg dose is about right for me. I have to budget 8-9 hours of sleep every night, but the positive effects are so good, I'm willing to live with that. It turns out that it's "on label" use is exactly the right thing for my brain as far as I can tell. Mood swings are gone. Granted, I feel a little flat, but I'm getting used to that. It's well worth being able to breathe and think in otherwise anxiety-producing situations. It's awesome to not go from "this is screwed up" to "want to kill everyone" in .05 seconds. Seriously - my PTSD is like that, and it's how I've been ever since I can remember, and now I'm not. It's almost like a miracle. Yesterday I was in a situation that I would have previously walked out on to protect the innocent, and I didn't have to, nor do I have to spend a day recovering from it. The other effect it has on me is probably very related to the first, but it's something I notice all on it's own because of the enormity of it in my life. I no longer feel hungry all the time. Again, I don't remember a time in my life when I wasn't always wanting to eat. This is a totally new sensation for me: to walk past food and not have to eat it; to be late for a meal and not be a raving lunatic bitch, to be able to make good food choices because I'm not overwhelmed with hunger. I am eating less without noticing, without thinking about it. I have noticed in the past 3 weeks that I have lost some volume in various places, and about 2 lb on the scale. It'll come off slow, but maybe this time it'll stay off. I've also been adding muscle, just as an effect of riding and working out harder in preparation for competing again. On Thursday I ran my second fastest ever lap (0.1mi) at the gym. I suspect that 48 sec. isn't wicked fast for a sprint of that length, but as a personal time, I'm kinda excited about it.
Life may not be good (although mine is in the context of the larger world) but at least I'm stable and relatively happy.