Confessions of a pagan farmer

To quote dajt:There are some people around whom one should never even *think* "I want a pony".
So what did I do? I acquired, on free lease, a horse for him to ride. In essence, I got my boyfriend a pony for Christmas. His name is Buzz. There will be photos when I can take some of the two of them together.

I spent yesterday driving to nearly VT to pick him up. Buzz's people where nice and met me in West Lebanon NH, so I didn't have to drive the extra 45 min over hill and dale to Strafford VT. I'm really glad they did too, because we met "snow squalls" on the way up, which were more like a micro-blizzard and then the whole rest of the way I was dealing with wet/potentially icy roads. The driving took a lot out of me, but then I got home to 2 crises: Alice's truck needing repair and a broken stall door. My awesome brother came and fixed the door. Alice's truck got here, then to the shop, by way of her driving home and trading it for my truck, which she wanted to cap on, so there was getting that down from chocorua's barn. Needless to say, by the time I was done with all of that, I was pretty cooked. Slept well last night.
Which was really good, because today........
This horse needs a house, because the barn has all of it's stalls full as of tomorrow. I have a shed in a pasture, which currently houses some goats (not mine), and with a couple hours worth of work is now also housing Buzz. It was <10 Deg. F when miekec and I started working. I am constantly surprised at how prepared I am for working in those conditions. I was not cold. After we got Buzz down to the shed, it was time to pick up Alice's truck, which had no more wrong with it than a bad battery which was still under warranty, so they didn't charge me for anything. Then I got to the other thing that was on my list for 'before this storm' which was getting the manure spreader towed to the dealer for minor repairs to parts that have rusted. Which was about 45 min at under 30mph because spreader bearings aren't good for more than that speed. Got Miekec to the train station just as the train was pulling out, thanks to the clock in A's truck being 5 min slow. That was slightly frustrating, but she was happy to go sit in the bar, and I trundled home to go finish getting hay down to Buzz's shed and check in with Kat, my awesome sis-in-law and the barn managere here to make sure that everything was all set. I really should go back out and do something with Wyatt, but it's now back below 10 deg F, and I think he can wait until morning when it is supposed to be warmer. I expect I'll sleep well again tonight. 

tears drive steam trains down my cheeks
I am a hollow mountain, threatening collapse
under the strain of an earthquake
I feel like a drought in a rainforest
a monsoon in a desert, so far out of place
paralysis, suspension of belief in reality
how can this even be happening
Mop up the dust of my life
again
and again
and again….

with water I don’t have trying to
clean dust that blew away years ago

Me: I don't think you'd ever called me "awesome" before.
Other sweetie does it all the time, but it meant something different coming from you.

Him: now I'm embarrassed

Me: why?

Him: I don't remember when I called you "awesome"...

Me: last night, when we were saying good bye, up in my room.

Him: well clearly it was so obvious to me that I didn't make special note of it  

Me: it seemed that you were appreciative of me for the space I made for you and [other gf].

Him: that was pretty awesome. But really, the space you make in your heart and home for me and other special people is very awesome

Me: I'm a little bit sad that it's that awesome, because that implies that it's not normal, and it should be.

Him: the world would be a much better place if that were normal, rather than so many people not even having a place for themselves in their hearts

Me: Sweetie, that's deep, and true, and one of the reasons I love you so much.

My tiredness was my lungs. They have been medicated into submission and I have my energy back. This makes me happy. I have lots going on right now, mostly work. 

Done today:
received a delivery of 300 bales of cow hay - there's a "funny" story there - keep reading.
Did some mowing that no one else wants to do because it requires careful patience.
cleaned up some around the cow barn (again, if people would follow instructions, I wouldn't have had to do that)
Picked up a part for the tractor from the JD dealer, and got a chance to tell someone there why I'm using a different repair shop for things these days. (rudeness from the service manager is not acceptable, but possibly related to the hay story below)
Put the big hay elevator away in the shed after unloading the hay. People look at that thing and think I can't move it by myself. (again, see below)
Taught a jumping lesson to the DQ who works out of the barn here so she can cross-train.
Fetched the trash/recycle bins from the bottom of the driveway.

OK, so the "funny" story - The hay man sent his 2 delivery people along with the 300 bales of hay to put up in the loft of the cow barn. I told them that I would load the elevator. It's an old beast that requires careful handling. The older of the 2 (neither were out of their 20's) asked "are you up to bucking 300 bales?" I blinked. What? Why yes, yes I am. 2 weeks ago I baled and put up 750 over 3 days, I can do *this* job (loading the elevator) all day and not really break a sweat. This is the first time in a while that I've had someone obviously judge my strength/endurance based on gender & body type. I think the last time was the new (then) service manager at the local John Deere dealer, who, not knowing me yet, assumed that I wasn't a serious farmer and didn't need that thing fixed TODAY, like I said I did. Well, as it turned out, I really did, found someone else to do it, and the dealer has lost all of my repair business, which is measuered in thousands per year. It also means that I'm not buying new equipment from them either, which has been significant since then. So, I may not be black, but I am woman. I am stronger than you think.

What actually happened yesterday:
I did cut more hay. dajt did nearly all of the tedding because I had to send Kevin down to the hardware store for a new (temporary) fuel pump for the new (used) diesel tank whose transfer pump I couldn't make work. I got started raking about 12:40 and chocorua got down to the field with the baler about 1:15 (I think, I wasn't really clock watching by then). The baler knotter was being balky, and not long after I got done raking the field (3ish) the baler let go both it's shear bolts. Even so, there were only about 100 bales in the first wagon by then. dhs was doing a great job riding wagon (stacking bales). I left chocorua, dajt and dhs in the field and ran off to get extra shear bolts, as we only had 1 of each. They had it back together and ready for hand turning test by the time I got back. I sent wagon #1 , driven by Kevin the house elf, up to the unloading area along with dajt and dhs and stayed in the field for wagon #2. The crop was really light and with about 30 bales in #2 we were done by 4:15. I helped unload the last one, and we were all done by 5:15. Bale count was 147, which is not much for that field.

Planning for today:
grease equipment, ted hay, rake hay - mostly me, but if everything is going well, Kevin will finish raking.
chocorua will run the baler again, I have dhs, miekec and myself to switch off riding wagon.
Kat will manage the unloading crew again, which I'm expecting to be some of the barn folk, dajt and possibly his younger spawn, and Spencer, my bro. Kevin will get the job of wagon runner and possibly errand runner.
While I'm doing maintenance in the morning, I'll also be calling the drain-uncloggger dude for the kitchen sink and tracking down the correct shear bolts for the baler, and maybe making a call about the fuel transfer pump. I expect 300 bales off today's field.

I am fatigued in my muscles, but feeling really good in my brain. Work is good for me?

Let me introduce you to Wyatt.


Wauwinet is a 12 year old Oldenberg gelding. I feel extaorodinarily lucky to be able to ride this horse. I've seen him around at events, I might have even competed against him. He's been consistently winning at Prelininary. Here's the most beautiful part: he is the best trained and easiest horse to ride that I have ever in my life ridden.

I got back from my vacation with horses, and in the past 3 days have done 4 or 5 days worth of to-do list. I still think I need another day in my day today, and then another extra this week to sleep.
So, here, but extra super busy. 

Granted, yesterday's list was short, but I did manage it.

today's goals: 
eat optimally
ride both horses
afternoon date
meditation/magical study
get to sleep/lights out by 10. 

Today's plan is to find a new accountant (my old one retired) and ride my horses. If I got some of my email filed that would be good too. I will do my normal meditation and study time in the evening.

I used to journal here  often, sometimes daily. I think what might have replaced these natterings (mostly to myself) is the use of chat (hangouts and messenger).  When I spend the time chatting with friends, I get those natterings out of my system and end up not journaling. This week, one of the people I chat with most is on vacation and offline, so here I am, journaling.